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  • cristina_

    Which is worse? HELP?

    • In high school, I never partied, never drank, never smoked anything.

      But I've always struggled with depression and self-harm. I started cutting for the first time when I was thirteen, and have battled this addiction on and off, ever since then. And I was doing a really fucking awesome job beating this addiction until recently. Within a few weeks of starting my freshman year of college, I relapsed.

      It was getting really bad. The cutting was getting more frequent, I became more dependent on it than ever before, and the cuts got deeper and deeper.

      But then I discovered smoking. I tried hookah first, then weed. And it made me feel better. Ever since I started smoking, I haven't really felt the need to cut as often and as deeply.

      And the other day, I was trying to explain to one of my friends why I love hookah so much, and suddenly it hit me. I knew I loved the sensation of inhaling deeply, exhaling, and seeing the smoke I was exhaling. But it was exactly what I loved about cutting--the sensation of cutting my skin, and watching the blood seep out.

      It's that same old visual representation of release.

      So which is worse? Should I smoke more, if it means it'll help me stop cutting? Or is it just a slower and more socially accepted version of self-harm?

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    Draco Malfoy

    Posted · Report

    I don't think this question has an easy answer. Smoking has been known to have serious long-term effects. However, if your cutting was getting worse and worse the short term side-effects might have been terrible enough for switching to make sense.

    I think it's basically a slower, more socially accepted form of self-harm.

    Not going to pass judgment on which is worse because, honestly, they held out on smoking for patients in psych wards (I know, not exactly weed) for the patients as long as possible for some reason. I was honestly a bit in shock on my last visit (2 1/2 years ago) that they'd finally stopped smoke breaks. That that seemed a given part of adult psych wards until then.

    I mean, there's the usual 'try therapy, etc.' but I'm not sure how financially feasible that is or if it's been done before. They say self-harm tends to calm down by one's 30s but I've also seen a number of people return to it during a major life event like death, divorce/end of relationship, etc. So maybe try dialing back a bit and see if things go okay. Of course there will probably be some uncomfortable bits so probably best done with some form of treatment.

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    Posted · Report

    If possible, I think stop smoking would be a good idea. I learned from the death of one of my grandparents that smoking can really shorten and hinder one's life. Then again, I'm still young, still learning about myself and about self-injury. That just my opinion, anyway

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Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.


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  • self-injury.net is a self-harm community and resource founded in 1999. Provides support, resources, and information on self-harm.
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