Can't hold it back
I sometimes find it hard to hold back the tears. Most days I try to find a reason to keep going, to feel happy about my life. But it’s so hard. Everyday I have to keep up this act in front of everyone,this fake normal & happy routine. Why? Because I don’t want to feel vulnerable and who would stick around if they knew what a mess I am? I keep telling myself it’s all for my own good, the silence and secrets, but I can’t help but feel a bit lonely.
My brother is trying his best to help me out. He even wants me on medication. It’s a solution I’m not too happy with, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m trying my best not to relapse but it’s been happening way too many times. I don’t know what the hell to do with myself. It makes me sick to think of the blood and scars sometimes, and yet I can’t quit. Not completely. I keep finding resons to stay on this bad track.
Person [female, age 24, began to SI at age 21, university student]