I posted on this thread before, but now I'm faced with another answer to the "Why?" question.
Short explanation story:
So I've been depressed for a while. It's been getting worse and worse, but it's not currently all that paralzying and I've been able to hide it. Anyway, I have this plant my boyfriend gave me. It's been at my parents' house for a while and my mom has kept a little eye on it. It's still alive, but barely. I was going to let it die until my dad said something about it. I told myself it wasn't worth taking care of and it was just a plant, but really I wanted it to die because I just don't care. I love my boyfriend and everything he does for me, but with my depression, I just don't have the energy to care.
I didn't hurt myself this time, but I wanted to and felt like I deserved it. I still feel that way, because I see how horrible of a person I'm becoming compared to how loving and caring I used to be. How can I not care about something living? How can I not care about something Carl went out of his way to do for me, when a month ago I was not depressed, but sad because he had never bought me flowers? It's not just a plant, but saying that makes me put myself lower than it, because it feels like I only have energy to take care of me and that energy could be spent taking care of the flower. In reality, I don't even know if I have energy to take care of me.
This probably seems like a petty story, but it goes a lot deeper.