So, I have been struggling a lot recently with self harm, basically in the cutting realm. The thing is, that I don’t see it in the way that most people do, which makes it harder in some ways. Everyone I’ve talked to thinks that its a coping mechanism, or that I feel depressed, or that I want to take away emotional pain. Its true, I don’t handle emotions well. But, I also am not cutting for this reason. I cut in a systematic, planned way. I enjoy the artistic outlook on the cuts (and therefore scars) after the fact. I don’t irrationally, or impulsively, cut, like a couple people I know. I cut as a release but also as a way to show my struggles artistically. I do not try to openly hide my cuts anymore, but I embrace my struggles for self-understanding and am waiting to see one trusted person for help. The problem is that I continue to self harm, but only for a little bit of release and only in artistically designed patterns. I have not been able to find anyone talking about this previously, so I decided to go out on a limb and see if anyone had any input or thoughts about this perspective.
Person female, age 20, began to SI at age 19, college student
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