Euphoria, detachment and calm
I started self-injuring as a coping mechanism for my severe PTSD and depression, and my mild psychosis, in the wake of some serious trauma. But I continued to self-injure for the high.
When I hurt myself, I experience intense euphoria, followed by a lovely, calm, relaxed high which can last for a couple of hours, and then feelings of emotional detachment for maybe two or three days.
The detachment might be the best part because I find I become more uninhibited. After I injure, I temporarily become more confident, social, and even seemingly more witty and likeable because I am relieved of feelings of worry and tension which normally make it hard for me to function.
I wouldn’t want to paint too glowing a picture, though. My activities have become life-threatening at this point. I wish I could be buzzed on pain all the time but I’m going to have to find a new way to go through life, or else I am certain that sooner or later this is going to kill me. I don’t wanna say what I’ve been doing because I don’t wanna give anyone else ideas. Just be careful, this stuff is bad news.
Person male, age 22, began at age 18, film student