[female, age 24, began to SI at age 16 1/2]
By Draco Malfoy,
Here are the main ones: (1) to see blood. It makes me feel like I’m alive, the blood itself is in some weird way like life itself. So, when I’m numb or overwhelmed, it helps soothe me. (2) for the scars. They make me feel like my pain is real, no one can dismiss actual proof like scars, the way people close to me have dismissed my problems and feelings. It’s like battle scars: I can look at them and know that I HAVE been through something, and no one can tell me I’m lying. I hurt enough to injure myself– that means I WAS in pain emotionally. (3) for the pain afterwards. For some reason it makes me feel alive, too. It gives me comfort. When I hate myself, touching the wound will help me feel like I’ve already been punished, and I’m allowed not to hate myself. When I’m numb’ or feel completely “fake”, I can use the pain to feel that there is something solid that won’t change on me like my emotions and sense of self do.
Person [female, age 24, began to SI at age 16 1/2]