I don't know how much longer I can fight the urge.
This is my first post. You can call me soot, if you call me anything.
I'm having a bit of a tough time coping with..anything really. I'm pretty much a complete introvert. I avoid leaving my house at all costs, and that works pretty well for me. I'm very alone with the exception of my few online friends and social media. I've been struggling for as long as I can remember with severe depression and moderate anxiety.
I've been self harming for 4 years now- on and off. I started small with minor cuts on my wrists, then began to cut pretty deep into my thighs when people started asking, "What happened to your arms?". I have pretty nasty old scars on both of my upper thighs, and it's been my dream to get a giant, colorful tattoo full of meaning on both thighs to cover up the mess I made. My own body triggers me to destroy myself. It's pretty pathetic, but I've kinda gotten used to it. My stupid scars made a home on my legs.
Anyway- I've brought this idea to my mom, and she loved the idea. The only problem is that I have to wait until I am an adult to get the tattoo. I don't want to make anymore scars to be covered up, but I also crave the feeling. I've resulted to punching myself in the legs, but I'm not satisfied.
This post is becoming really pointless haha. Are there any ex self-harmers here that can give me advice on what I can do to fight these urges? Maybe an activity that works for you? I really don't want to pick up the blade again.