Because it’s all I know. I’ve been doing this for years. It’s been so long since the first time I started pricking my fingers when I was sad. I guess I just taught myself that this is how you deal with pain. Have a bad day? Cut. Boyfriend broken up with you? Slice. Parents yelling at you? Slash. For the longest time, I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t scream. I had completely trained myself to deal with my emotions by hurting myself. I never imagined I could do that. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. I look back and I realize how dependent I got on doing this. I’ve gotten to the point where i am able to express my pain by crying, but it just doesn’t really do it for me. Nothing feels as good as cutting. Nothing gives me that rush or that release. I’ve tried all those typical avoidance methods like the rubber band or red markers or ice, but none of them were even close. So I guess I do it, because it’s the only thing that ever works for me.
Person [female, age 19, began SI at age 12, university student]