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    My living Nightmare


    • I cut myself every day or every other day.  I don’t want to stop.  It’s my only release other than talking with my therapist.  I’m attached to her and I see her twice a week.  I wish she was my mother.  My mother can’t stand me.  She insults me and criticizes me constantly.  She made me a cutter.  I don’t feel calm until I bleed. My hips are all filled up.  I started cutting my breasts.    My therapist wants me on antidepressants but I don’t know If I want to be medicated because my mom make my life a living hell.  I cry myself to sleep every night.  Everyone thinks I have a perfect life.  No one sees the real me-I hide it all.  I have about 150 scars to date.  Please everyone, let me know what you think I should do and how I should proceed. I’m new to this site.

    • Person [female, age 15, began to SI at age 14]
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    Hey.  I am new to this site too.  I am the same way as you. I am the average teen who everyone thinks has the perfect life.  I wish they could see behind the sleeves.  It kills me when people tell me that my life is perfect and I hate it.  Do you ever just want to scream out and show everyone the scars so they could maybe begin to feel the pain or is that just me??? My mom does not believe that I need help but I have begun to cut everyday and they get deeper everyday.  Would it be worth it to turn myself in??? Someone helpp please!!

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    Guest Laura Jasper

    Posted · Report

    You need to tell someone. I think that people at first may not know how to react because SI is not talked about enough and people dont understand it. I SId by binge eating and people just think you can stop or you don’t have control but its not like that. The urge to do it takes over when i get anxious or angry and when I do it its like its not me and im trying to stop but the comfort of the food makes me feel warma nd relieving like someones giving me a hug from inside. I’m not familiar with cutting and i wish i could get my head around how you feel. Im sorry you think that you feel that your mum makes you feel the way you do. tO HAVE that much negativity from your mother is unimaginable. Im glad you have a therapist and someone you can go to and i hope she is helping you in some way.

    I think you should find out lets that make you happy. For me, its exercise (sounds stupid) but when i run, my mind clears and after ive had a hard work out i feel smiley and euphoric. Either that, or I do go in my room and turn music on loud and either sing the pain out or dance it out.

    I also make a point of having friends who I can turn to, and do this by letting them in. Letting them know me. You say that people think you have the perfect life but have you been honest with them. You dont have to tell them about everything, but not showing a brave face all the time isn’t a bad thing. it makes you human and actually shares a part of you. You might find that they feel comfortable to share their problems with you and you get a great bond.

    Ive discovered that I feel saddest when im lonely and so try to make a point of doing things and being active and not on my own too much. I think this is when i can think more. When you stay busy you are fulfilled.

    Maybe another thing might be writing a letter to your mum. The act of writing it alone, is off loading and theraputic. I wrote a letter to my dad about everything i felt and cried the whole way through. I felt a lot better> i did give it to him, despite being to scared to - i left it on his desk. It unlocked a few things i didnt know. Have you told you grandparent aswell? that might be easier?

    I’m sorry if this doesnt help at all. ive been reading through a lot of the forum and was really compelled to write back to you.

    Stay happy and honest.

    Laura xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.

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