Because the pain feels so good. It’s ecstasy. It’s release. It bleeding out all the things wrong with your life, wrong with you. With the sweet, sweet pain you forget or you don’t care. But the intense guilt afterwards is terrible. It’s emotional pain that kills while physical pain heals. The pleasure of self-inflicted wounds makes me want to go back to it desperately but the guilt is keeping me away since that short moment of release doesn’t outweigh the guilt even close.
I use to cut myself to deal with the pain, the hurt, the confusion, and the fright. It was all I knew. It was the only medicine that worked, even if only for a moment.
Person [female, age 18, began to SI at age 12, college student]