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    Perfect


    • I don’t really know why I cut ,but I seem to always do it after feeling “not good enough”. I mean this in a broad term ,but mostly after being told something like “You’re too lazy, mean, angry” etc (but of course in harsher terms from my parents). I also mean it in the sense that sometimes I feel like my life isn’t “good enough”. For example, my parents fighting- which they do often, or to not get too specific I would cut after really anything in my life that didn’t make me feel “normal”. I know normal is relative ,but when I didn’t feel like my life was “normal” I would cut.  And I’m not a perfectionist, but no one would imagine me to cut in school or even my parents ,but I do.  I cut to deal with my emotions of anger and sadness- it’s hard to know which exactly because it’s kind of both at the same time. Sometimes I cut to feel a sense of control or sometimes as a punishment depending on the situation that made me feel like cutting. Also, another reason although may be more narcissistic but sometimes while cutting I think “Yeah, I’ll show them” like it’s some sort of revenge–it’s hard to explain. However, it’s not really a revenge because they don’t even know I cut because I hide my scars on my arm.  So I cut not just because I’m angry or sad or as a punishment or control ,but it’s for all those reasons combined. Depending on the situation it’s more or less of each one.  

    • Person [female, age 19, began to SI at age 16, college student]
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    I have absolutely no idea! I get so angry at myself reading about these poor people who have been abused, sexually or physically or mentally and then I think, well yes they have difficult emotions to deal with it is completely understandable. Then i look at myself.. my life is fine. I have friends, a lovely boyfriend who is trying to help, my family is still together (if unhappily), so why on earth do I keep feeling so sad and angry! I cut when I feel just angry and like I want to cry.. which is quite often, but for no real reason.. it is pathetic. I just get overwhelmed. Like I will remember that I have an essay to do and I just cry.. or I put my shoes on the wrong feet.. I cry. I just hate that feeling where it builds up in your chest and starts to choke me and I just have to cut. No one is allowed to show emotion in my parents’ house. They both hate eachother but try and keep a facade of happiness (which is really fake and just a terrible effort) because showing you are unhappy is like a weakness. Things are better when I am at university… away from here. I just want to know if there is anybody out there who self harms just because they are sad for no particular reason? Anyone who hasn’t experienced something terrible, any abuse or emotional trauma in their childhood or whatever? Is it just me who is weird like this? Someone please.

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    @Perfect: I SI for different reasons too, usually when I feel not good enough (I have pretty high standards) or when i’m upset with my significant other but don’t know how to tell him. 

    @No Idea: I feel you. I also have had a very “easy” life, probably even easier than yours on the surface. I started going to therapy a few weeks ago and am realizing that I have all of these expectations for my life and myself based on the easier past that are unreasonable. I don’t know about you, but I get mad at myself and then get even madder that I SI, since nobody has been cruel to me - it’s just me and my off-kilter expectations. Therapy is helping, though, I think. I’ve been SI-ing more but I think I’m moving forward intellectually at least. Hang in there.

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