I don’t really know why I cut ,but I seem to always do it after feeling “not good enough”. I mean this in a broad term ,but mostly after being told something like “You’re too lazy, mean, angry” etc (but of course in harsher terms from my parents). I also mean it in the sense that sometimes I feel like my life isn’t “good enough”. For example, my parents fighting- which they do often, or to not get too specific I would cut after really anything in my life that didn’t make me feel “normal”. I know normal is relative ,but when I didn’t feel like my life was “normal” I would cut. And I’m not a perfectionist, but no one would imagine me to cut in school or even my parents ,but I do. I cut to deal with my emotions of anger and sadness- it’s hard to know which exactly because it’s kind of both at the same time. Sometimes I cut to feel a sense of control or sometimes as a punishment depending on the situation that made me feel like cutting. Also, another reason although may be more narcissistic but sometimes while cutting I think “Yeah, I’ll show them” like it’s some sort of revenge–it’s hard to explain. However, it’s not really a revenge because they don’t even know I cut because I hide my scars on my arm. So I cut not just because I’m angry or sad or as a punishment or control ,but it’s for all those reasons combined. Depending on the situation it’s more or less of each one.
Person [female, age 19, began to SI at age 16, college student]