Why do I self-injure myself?
That’s a good question…
At first, it was because of a boy. Long story short, it ended badly. Instead of crying or screaming, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t feel anything. Happiness, sadness, anger, nothing. I was numb. The only way I could feel anything was to hurt myself. I’d rather feel pain than nothing…
I started getting better; gradually being able to laugh with friends, be around other guys. I still hurt myself almost everyday. It became a kind of twisted habit. Like homework, or taking out the trash- something you don’t want to do, but you have to. I tried not to, believe me, I did. But it became necessary. I’d think about it all day, and do it as soon as I got home from school, just to get it over with and move on to other things. After awhile, I ran out of room on my arms and legs. I moved onto my thighs, stomach and feet. Most of the time I end up going over old scars to save room. Some people ask questions, but I wave them away with excuses.
I still, to this day, hurt myself but now it’s only when I need to. I don’t feel like it’s such a burden anymore.
Person [female, age 18, started at 14, college student]