Why; it is the first question someone asks me when I tell them I self-injure. It is also this same question that no one ever fully understands. The thing is I do not deal well with emotional pain; it angers me that people can say or do things that I internalize and then subsequently feel negatively towards myself for. I do not want to feel that emotional pain because it is more difficult to deal with; physical pain on the other hand is completely doable. I can control physical pain, so that is one reason my I self-injure. The other reason is that I feel that I deserve to be punished. I hold high, unrealistic expectations for myself; thus I set myself up to fail quite often. When I fail it means I am inadequate, so I deserve to be punished so that I will do better in the future. That is why I self-injure.
Person Female, age 20, began to SI at 13, college student