Why do you Cut your self? how did it start?
By Im a Fangirl,
Personally im not even sure why I do it, apart from the fact that it feels good and I love the look of blood. I only started cutting a week or two apart but I don't want to stop. Anyway like I said I don't know why I started, I had thought about doing it a few times over the years but I just thought I wasn't the sort of person to do that. I would however deliberately hurt myself. Doing stuff that I knew would end in bruises or cuts but I told myself it was nothing or accidental. Its not Like my family is terrible I mean my parents work hard and are very generous to me and my siblings but they tend to say stuff, nasty stuff, that they find funny and I laugh along because their just messing around and its not like they are wrong about what they are saying. My little sister is the worst, she's so nasty ( only two years younger than me) when she gets angry at me shell tell me to kill myself or tell me to go tie some bricks around my ankles and jump in the damn. She tends to hit nerves when she does this saying im annoying and nobody likes me, I have no friends.... I know that shes right but I just smile and walk away pretending it doesn't hurt. Then ill bush it off and go about my business with a grin, singing to myself and dancing around but all I want to do is bang my head into a wall or go to sleep.
so whenever I feel like im going to snap I bang my head against a wall, dig my nails into my palm, pick at old scabs, scratch at myself till im read or occasionally walk around wondering what would happen if I really did kill myself. i'd imagine jumping of the roof of the house, id climb the tree outside my house and think about tying a rope around my neck and jumping at one point I would go for a walk to the dam (I live in the country) and go right to the middle where its deepest, this was in winter too, id go under and hold my breath until I couldn't anymore. The only reason I have never gone through with doing any serious damage is because a) my mums dad drowned in a lake a few years before I was born and b ) I don't want to disappoint my parent, id feel ungrateful or whatever.
Wow I typed mor than I expected, sorry anyway yeah I finally started cutting recently because I couldn't deal with my cruel sister, my uncle who liked to point out my fat and my head was hurting with, Stress? I don't know but I couldn't focus on my books and my schoolwork was making me want to stab myself. I was having a bath to calm down and I was home alone, the razor looked enticing so I snapped it in half so that I could get a clean cut. id recently cut myself on a nail accidently so I just cut under that one so that if I put a band aid on it nobody would ask too many questions but that first cut felt so good and helped so much so I did it a couple more times. it only bled a little, I cut my shoulder to see if it felt different but that felt good to so I did it two more times. though my family saw that I just told them I cut it on a fence ore something, they seemed to buy it, I tend to be accident prone. I also started cutting just under my hip, easy to hide. Today I was picked on because of my fat ass and thighs, I laughed it off and said I enjoyed my fat ass, more cushion, but then I got yelled at for being me basically. As soon as I got home I went to my room and cut myself some more, it helped. I walked out with a smile and acted like my peppy self. Nobody questions it.
so that's my story sorry its so long.