why i self harm
the first day i took a razor to my skin was the day i thought would never happen.
i remember being younger and so confused as to why anyone would try to hurt themselves in anyway.
but as i grew older, i started to see every flaw , every little thing that was wrong with me. i remember the first time i self harmed, putting tiny slashes on my thumb, the pain was instantly gone; well at least for that moment. it wasnt a big deal, it was so tiny. no one would even notice.
but as the days, weeks, months and years went on, the slashes became deeper, bigger and all over my body. to everyone else it seemed to be a huge deal. but really, i loved it. i loved the feeling, the rush of the pain.
it made me feel powerful and happy and proud, but yet, it made me feel more helpless, sad, and ashamed than i have ever felt in my life…
that wasnt how my life was supposed to be. i wasnt supposed to grow up with scars or hospital visits.
my whole childhood was taken up by blades, razors, hospitals, tears and pills.
eventually i knew sooner or later this couldnt go on any longer
i couldnt let this take full control of me.
recovery is one of the hardest desisions ive ever had to make.
but here i am now; 306 days self-harm free.
and ill be honest, i still struggle everyday to keep away the urge to grab that razor.
im aloud to be sad, depressed, or even feel suicidal, but i do NOT have to act on my emotions and i do NOT have to give up.
i always thought i was weak and helpless, but now i realize that i just hadnt found my strength. we all have a bit of strength in us.
sometimes, its hard to find, but trust me darling, you’ll find it…
Person female, 16, began to self harm at 11, high school student