I started cutting as an expriment to test it out. One of my friends had cut herself and I always used to wonder, “Why would someone do that to themself?” But that started to get me thinking if it would really help keep the pain at bay. I always figured that if I got caught for cutting, and that if I were taken to a therapist, that I would use it as a jumping point and tell people that my mother abuses me. That it would get that out of the open, I would be taken away, and I wouldn’t need it anymore. But I do need it, so much so it sends me into panic attacks thinking that I will be caught, and will have to stop. I now cut when I am sad, when I feel unwanted, but mostly when I get frustrated, or angry. I hate that I do it, which usually leads to more cutting. One of my friends knows I cut, and she doesn’t care, or tried to stop me. My parents both have their suspicions but don’t bring it up. If no one cares if I do it, then why is it a problem, why should I stop?
Person [female, age 16, began to SI at age 13, high school student]