At the beggining, I did not know why I was doing it. But now I think I know. There are a few reasons to explain why I hurt myself.
First, I don't really like the life I have. I don't like my body, the way I am. The things I do. Some people would be happy to have a life as mine, but I am not. Life is just not made for me. So hurting myself just help me a bit.
Second, I feel some mental pain. I can't talk about that to someone, so I just cut. The pain makes me feel alive, and kind of let that mental pain out.
Third, I am so sad. But tears just don't want to fall. So when the blood falls, it is like these tears that are supposed to roll down my cheeks. It makes me feel better.
Fourth, everyone seems to walk out of my life. I don't know why hurting myself helps with that, but it is only a way to let that out. And I have a fear that no one likes me.
Last, and this might be weird or rude, I just like the feeling when the blood runs out, because I always keep all to myself, so this helps.