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    • I did alot of research about SI after I started doing it. One of the articles I read said that self-injury usually starts at a young age. I’d say I’m living proof that statement is wrong. I was 29 when I started. What happened? Life hit me….and it hit me hard. I’d been living with a terrible secret since I was 17, something that I’ve thought about everyday since then. It seemed like nothing good was happening in my life, and some how I related it to this secret I held on to for so long. I’m a very religious person, and I felt that God was punishing me….and because I serve Him, I felt the need to take this punishment off of His hands and begin punishing myself. It started out very small, then before I knew it, I needed to do it. So it was no longer a punishment to myself, it became an enjoyment for me. The very idea that I’m about to get rid of this pain….like a drug. It went from these horrible scars on my arms and legs to….”hey, look at my awesome badges”. They started to look good to me. I then progressed to burning. Then all combined with hitting and banging. Then it actually went to tattoos in places that would normally be painful….but I liked the pain and unfortunately I used the tattoo artist as my own personal crutch and he didn’t know it. Of course I didn’t tell anyone. My boyfriend was rubbing my arm one day and he saw my scars. He asked me what happened, I said it was an accident. A few days later, he saw the scars on my legs, asked me what happened and I lied again. One day, I decided it was time to tell someone….so I confided in my best friend in this entire world. I told her everything. It didn’t take her long after I finished talking to leave. I thought about keeping it to myself from that moment on…but then one of my other friends told me that her significant other used to do it. I was then able to tell her about what I did and she didn’t leave. She gave me the same help she gave to her significant other and made me promise I’d never do it again. Because she knows how stubborn I can be lol and that I’d never make a promise and break it, I haven’t done it since then. I won’t say I don’t have serious thoughts about it sometimes when times get rough, but I use these scars I have as a reminder that I’m stronger than this…..that I can beat this….and that it will never get the best of me again. Oh and no I don’t regret the actual tattoos….at some point I actually had the sense to get tattoos that actually meant something.

    • Person [female, age 31, began to SI at age 29, self-employed]
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    I first started to SI 3 years ago because my mom’s boyfriends sexually abused of me and then I hated myself soooo much so i could stop myself. More, she decided to stay with him and left me alone. The first time i ever cut was when i told something really mean to my dad. I hated myself for that and regreted it afterwards.. I went outside and scratched myself with my nail until I was bleeding. I still can’t understand why it felt like my emotions were getting ou with my blood.. After that time i did it whenever I had a kickdown. It was hard to hide it though… I had no choice to wear long sleeves even in physical education. I didnt tell anyone at firrst but after sometimes, i felt I needed to tell. Now, at this time, there are a lot of people that know about it but i don’t really mind anymore.. I had to stop this summer cause my guardian brought me to the hospital but few days ago, I had a biiiiggg kick down so i did it again and really deep and i felt better . I should stop but I can’t!!! I feel alone.. Am I alone??

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    Because the pain feels so good. It’s ecstasy. It’s release. It bleeding out all the things wrong with your life, wrong with you. With the sweet, sweet pain you forget or you don’t care. But the intense guilt afterwards is terrible. It’s emotional pain that kills while physical pain heals. The pleasure of self-inflicted wounds makes me want to go back to it desperately but the guilt is keeping me away since that short moment of release doesn’t outweigh the guilt even close.

    I use to cut myself to deal with the pain, the hurt, the confusion, and the fright. It was all I knew. It was the only medicine that worked, even if only for a moment.

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Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.

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  • self-injury.net is a self-harm community and resource founded in 1999. Provides support, resources, and information on self-harm.
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